The two kinds of resilience

When we hear the word resilience, we usually imagine someone who keeps going.

Someone who pushes through.

Someone who never gives up.

There's certainly value in that. Sometimes life asks us to dig deep and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

But over the years, I've come to wonder whether there are actually two kinds of resilience.

The first is the resilience of survival.

It's the part of us that gets up for work after a sleepless night. The part that keeps caring for everyone else. The part that says, "I'll deal with my feelings later."

Most of us need this at different points in our lives.

The second kind of resilience feels quieter.

It knows when to stop.

It notices when something doesn't feel right.

It allows us to cry, to rest, to ask for help or to admit that we're struggling.

It isn't weaker.

In many ways, it's much braver.

Because it asks us to believe that our worth isn't measured by how productive we are, how useful we are or how much we can carry.

It asks us to believe that we matter simply because we're human.

For many people, developing this quieter resilience takes time. Especially if, growing up, being strong felt safer than being vulnerable.

Therapy can be a place where that second kind of resilience begins to grow.

Not because someone teaches it to you.

But because, perhaps for the first time, you're given permission to stop performing strength and simply be yourself.

A question to leave you with:

When life becomes difficult, do you automatically ask, "How can I keep going?"

Or do you ever ask, "What do I need right now?"

Sometimes the answer to that second question is where healing begins.